I've come to the realisation that I just cannot diet. I don't have enough willpower to do it! I love food too much and the very thought of being separated from it again for a LONG period of time (1 day) is a terrifying prospect.
You see, last weekend I vowed to finally START & STICK to my diet. I'm one of those people who have very little tolerance and am quite impatient. I needed a quick and easy fix. So I decided on the detox aptly titled "rapid 48hr detox diet". Sounds easy enough right? imagine, in just a weekend you are guaranteed to lose weight, albeit a small amount, but whatever right? because you are still bound to lose weight! WRONG! Let me tell you this...they don't work!!! I guess that was too ambitious of me! but as I mentioned earlier I am very impatient and want fast results.
Now you're probably wondering how I even got to the idea of going on a detox? Well let me tell you why....
1. I need to lose at least 4kgs by Christmas as I will be spending a week in the land of BIKINI's and/or SPEEDOS!
2. I cannot for the life of me fit into any of my jeans!!! (sure you could blame the weather but what gives?)
3. I can only fit into one of my work skirts (I've got plenty hanging forlornly in my closet!)
4. Someone assumed I was F*&^* 60KGS!!!! & that was the bloody last straw!
Anyways, I came to find out about the 48hr detox diet whilst I was washing my hands in one of the grubby toilets of Westpoint Blacktown. There's only so much time you can look at yourself while washing your hands so I turned my attention to the poster on the wall beside me. The headline instantly grabbed my attention and so I read more.... "Need to lose weight??" YES! "Feeling sluggish?" Totally! "Want fast guaranteed results?" Do I ever?!
A week later I was dragging our Manager to the Wynyard chemist to grab myself this "miracle detox". The lady behind the counter told me that it actually works or that it worked for her bf at least. She also warned me to stay indoors for the whole weekend as I will be going to the toilet nonstop. No problem! At that time I thought it could work to my advantage seeing as, not only will I be losing weight but I will be saving $$$ by staying indoors!
So the weekend finally came wherein I was able to start my detox "diet." Now before I go any further I should probably state the Do's and Don'ts of this detox diet. Well there's only one rule really. You are not supposed to consume anything else other than the detox liquid drink and water.
Here is what transpired that weekend....
Day 1 Saturday
I awoke to the aroma of bacon and eggs frying and before I knew it my feet were dragging me to the kitchen. Thank goodness I managed to stop myself on time. I dragged my butt back to bed and forced myself to go back to sleep. At 10.30am there was no way I could go back to lala land again. I waddled back to the kitchen and prepared myself for the inevitable. I poured myself the detox drink. It was brownish/reddish in colour (maroon I believe is the correct terminology). Basically like a puree of strawberry & shit LOL. The smell wasn't bad so I brought it to my lips and took my first sip....and surprisingly it tasted quite good!
I started to develop a headache come lunchtime which progressively worsened throughtout the day. The 30 degree heat didn't make matters any easier... when the clock hit 4pm I thought I was on the verge of dying of starvation. I was weak as a kitten, my vision started to blur and to make it worse, the heat sored even higher. Not a good sign.... I was forced to suffer on my bed staring up at my white ceiling. I didn't have any energy to move a muscle so there I lay admiring the whiteness of my ceiling and imagining food glorious food!
When the sun set the air became really muggy and I started to sweat like a pig on steroids. By then, my headache was at jackhammer level meaning it literally felt like someone was constantly pounding and/or drilling me on the side of my head. My vision went from blurry to short of no visibility. I was also unable to lift my arm everytime my phone went off. The only favourable thing out of this whole torture was that I only went to the toilet twice and that was early on in the day which is just as well as I didn't have much energy to breathe let alone....welll you get the picture!
As I lay there pondering whether I would be able to see the light of the day the next morning, my brother barged into my room and offered to cook me dinner!!
I was shocked and amazed considering that would be the first he'd actually offered to cook me something and the first he'd actually been nice to me! Unfortunately, I had to decline his offer and continue to wallow in my misery…. a short while later...the smell of longanisa wafted into my room and I actually started to cry...yes pretty pathetic but I've never starved myself to that extent before! hahaha
Well you can probably guess what happened next...YES...I gave in! I thought it was so stupid of me to think I could even get through 1 day of not eating let alone two!
With all the energy I could muster and the determination of a wounded soldier in battle, I marched out of my room and ate my brothers left over longanisa and more! Food never tasted soo good then!
