Do Asians all look alike?

A stranger asked me the other day what my background was. I told him to guess. He went through all the countries in the Asian continent and managed to leave out the Philippines. This got me thinking, are we that obscured from the rest of the world? LOL

After naming endless Asian countries from the south east to the north he finally gave up. I answered matter-of-factly "I'm Filo…you know from the Philippines." He gave me a puzzled look and said I didn't look it. Ok, I get that quite often but just always shrugged it off. This time I actually questioned it. The stranger eyed me for a moment and responsed with a "I would never have guessed...you look different...." (Funny, I thought all asians  "look alike"). He then asked me if I could still speak my native language. I told him I could speak tagalog fluently but that I struggle when it comes to reading and writing. This seemed to baffle him as he said, if I was fluent in speaking, I should be able to read and write just as fluently. Hmm….clearly this guy has never heard of dyslexia. However, as I made my long journey home on the train, the stranger's statement got me pondering that perhaps I really could read and write, albeit at a beginners level (possibly even mediocre), in tagalog. I mean, I always assumed I couldn't but that was because I haven't actually tried! If tagalog karaoke constitutes as "reading" well I'm certainly off to a good start!  So....just to prove a point..I will write about "the commute to work this morning" in non other than tagalog....

                                              * * * * *

Kanina umaga madimi talaga mainet na ulo na tao. Mayron matanda na babae na umupo sa katabi ko.  Grabe ang lakas talaga nang perfume nya na Chanel No.5 alam ko kasi dati ako nag trabaho sa perfume shop.  Tapos nag basa sha, den bigla na lang nya sinara yung book nya, tinangal nang glasses nya tapos tuminging sa babae sa katabi nya sa isang side na naka headphones, tapos sinabi nya na ibaba daw yung volume kasi malakas.... hinde nakineg yung babae.  Tapos yung matanda nagalet tapos nag nudge sha sa babe naka headphones.  Nagalet yung babae naka headphones tapos sinabi na wag daw sha mag elbow sa kanya.  Sinabi naman nang matanda na dapat daw turn down yung volume nya kasi maingay. Sabi naman nang headphone lady na dapat hindi daw sha mag take nang public transport. Sabi naman ni matanda na rude daw sha tapos sabi naman nang headphones lady na sha daw yung rude kase sha yung nag elbow. Tapos nag sigawan lang sila.  Tawa nalang kami nang lalake sa harap ko. LOL.  Tapos yung nag die down na yung drama nang katabi ko....sa kabila naman.  Yung nag stop yung train sa isang station tumayo yung indian sa other katabi ko.  Tapos nag turn around sha kasi male pala yung stop...tapos may isang tao na nag push sha kanya kasi nasa way sha, kawawa naman yung indian bumalik sa seat nya tapos natulog or kunyari lang. Hehe. Mamaya mayron naman isang babae nag try magusap sa katabi nya na lalake. Tiningan lang sha tapos ignore sha.  LOL. Yup, talagang try hard ako para hindi tumawa malakas.  SIguro highlight yung isang mataba na mataba na babae nag board sa train.  Mukang galet talaga.  Nag stomp sha nag feet nya papunta sa seats parang nagdabog. THen sabi nya "Excuse me!" malakis tapos nag flip yung seat para mag face sa kabila talagang smash nya.  Nag bang sha tapos nag upo na malakas then parang may usok lumalabas sa ears nya.....
Oh the joys of public transport! I guess that's what makes the journey to and fro work just a tad bit interesting and bearable.  It certainly takes the boredom out of the 40minute journey! On a serious note though, commuters really need to chill out and relax! As Rodney King famously once said "Can we all get along?!" I mean sure, we can blame City (dubbed Shitty by the majority) Rail for the poor service...always late, non-airconditioned, packed to capacity trains....but at the end of the day we all just have to suck it up and deal with it!

Anyways, to get back to the main topic of this blog.  Well, it's quite apparent really. I can actually write in tagalog... :) 

Cops & Robbers & A Stolen Identity...

I got ROBBED! My passport & wallet are gone! I feel so lost without an identiy (or money!) in a country that is practically foreign to me!


It all happened after duty free shopping in Paranaque… we decided to head to Mall of Asia for some more shopping and dinner. Cat, Jen & I were walking arm in arm along the mall when a massive crowd surged past us. As soon as we got a break from the crowd I realised my bag felt lighter so instinctively I looked down and noticed my bag, which was previously buckled & closed, was now open. A quick dig through my bag revealed that my passport and wallet were missing! Panic and fear engulfed me at the realisation that my very important identification and ticket out of the country was gone. Not to mention that access to my funds was now non-existent! The three of us quickly retraced our steps but to no avail! We exited the mall and Jen and Cat spoke to a guard to ask for a "lost & found" information desk while I tried to get in contact with my bank. By this time I was crying and feeling so hopeless. My holiday was just beginning and to have your indespensible things taken from you right under your nose was extremely formidable!


After what seemed like eternity I finally managed to get a hold of my bank & advised them that my card was stolen and to send me a replacement one overseas. A short while later I was approached by two undercover cops. My initial reaction was that they were going to rob me but then they flashed their ID's and greeted me warmly. They were ever so helpful and attentive as I relayed my story to them. They took down a few notes and brought me down to the police station nearby so I could give a full report.


Once at the police station, two cops sat down with me as I gave my official police report. Mind you this was all done in writing so it took a bit of time! The police writing down my report went through the usual"personal questions". DOB, nationality & my status. I told my DOB, nationality and before I had a chance to state my status the two undercover cops came around to where we were.


At this point, the four policemen were all looking at me expectently. It was soo quiet that you could have heard a pin drop on the floor. When I "announced" my single status it was like everyone had been holding their breathes in as a collective sigh sounded around the room. Now I'm probably sounding so up myself here but I kid you not..this is a true story!


One of the cops then chuckled and told me he was surprised I wasn't married yet and asked me why. The one taking down the notes removed his glasses and asked me if I had a white Australian boyfriend. By then, they were all grinning from ear to ear and the two undercover cops started jabbing each other. All I could think of was WTF?! Hello did it look like I was in the mood to give the story of my relationship (or lack thereof)?! I was just pick pocketed! What is the relevance of all this??? Instead I just groaned, rolled my eyes and told them I wansn't in the mood to make small talk considering my predicament. I also added that I didn't have a white Australian bf. The cop who asked why I wasn't married then told me he had a nephew visiting from america blah blah and basically wanted to set us up in so many words! LOL I just giggled sarcastically and stopped myself from screaming. He then went on about how he also has a brother living in Australia and that he would love to visit someday..blah blah blah …by that time I had tuned him out and concentrated on giving my statement to the other cop.


When I had finished giving my statement, the cop told me that because their "computer man" was currently out for a break, he couldn't print me out an official report with the police headquarters letterhead. I would have to either go back the following day or wait until the cop returns. I thought darn it! could my misfortunate get any worse?  I chose the former simply because I couldn't bear to be within the vicinity of Mall of Asia any second longer!


As we exited the police station my aunty and cousin's husband suddenly appeared. (While at the station, I had texted them what had happened).  Luck was finally turning in my favour as at the same time, the "computer man" also arrived. 


Introductions were quickly made and soon I somewhat felt like I was in a tele-series legal drama.  My cousin's husband introduced himself to the cops and "computer man" as Attorney ____  representing (me).  Ok….. weird…..I wasn't exactly under duress, nor was I suspected of doing anything illegal.


We (attorney, aunt & I) then sat in the "computer man's" office so he could print off my official statement with the police letterhead.  After typing up my statement, "computer man" gave me a copy to review.  Upon scheming through the document, I couldn't help but to start editing the whole thing like an essay paper.  I'm sorry, I know I wasn't exactly an honour english student and I certainly do not claim to be a grammar nazi, but the whole statement was grammatically incorrect in every sense of the word.  So with my pen poised like a professor ready to mark a tower of thesis papers,  I started editing the document.  After awhile, Attorney abruptly pulled the paper from under my nose and told me that all that was needed was for me to scan through the doc and verify the statement, as well as confirm that the "important" information, such as my name, nationality, address, etc was accurate.  Oops!  I handed the statement back to "computer man" and told him there was only one correction. "Australian" is spelt with only one L. 


While "computer man" printed off my statement - I should probably mention that their computer & printer was so ancient that it took eons to print off - he handed me an A5 sized bulging photo album & explained that the pictures inside were of convicted thieves arrested in Mall of Asia.  He then asked me to go through it to see if any of them looked familiar.  As I flipped trough the pages I gasped as it dawned on me that the majority of the thieves were young females! Call me sexist but I envisioned an album full of young male delinquents.  Certainly not young innocent looking females!  Just gets to show that it's always the least one you suspect and thou shall not judge a book by its cover.


Before leaving the police precinct, I noticed that the attorney slipped wads of bills into the cop's hands.  I was, naturally, flabbergasted.  I thought this only happened in movies and all these stories of police corruption are just fictional stories relayed to balikbayans and tourists alike.  I guess I was just naïve to think that the Philippines is moving forward from that political injustice.  Perhaps, with all the touristy stuff and or/places I had been doing and visiting, I became completely ignorant to the fact that the nation is still a developing country.


As we made our way back home, I came to realise that cops here are total chismosas…this might even be an understatement…sticky beaks talaga! And that corruption is still very much prevelant within the police force.  While there is no doubt that the cops have certainly been very polite and hospitable, I still couldn't shake the feeling of unease at the attorney's response after I asked him why he had "tipped" them….


"so they will do their job…"  
It saddens me to think that the service has come to this.  What's even more pitiful is the lack of trust the citizens have with the police force. It amazes me how, in people's minds, this sort of practice is seen as a norm and without this exchange would somehow impede the cops duties and obligations.  Now where is the morale in that?   Whatever happened to the motto of "to serve & protect"?  Would that be forever synonymous with "to serve & protect those who pay us?"


Of course, the attorney was also very much at fault for propagating this act in the first place, but I am hopeful that one day, someday, the government will seek to reform this beautiful country and that corruption will be a thing of the past. 

HOLY MATRIMONY!!! A Quarter of the Century Special kind of Love :D

Day 1 - Manila

We have arrived in Manila. Liz went off with her nan & pop whilst the 3 of us – Cat, Jen & I were greeted by a middle aged man - a staff of Manila airport hotel, where we were booked to stay the night. He requested for a nice van to pick us up and take us to the hotel as he had “beautiful women” with him LOL. How flattering and hilarious.

The hotel was OK...I guess... for an overnight stay if you have an early flight the next day, which was exactly our case.

Cat’s auntie and uncle then picked us up and took us to Mall of Asia for a lovely dinner at Gerry’s Grill. I must say that their pork barbecue is to die for!

After dinner, we went shopping around the mall where Jen and I went crazy at the Guess shop. As usual, the staff were so friendly and attentive. The dude who assisted me was actually pretty cute although I wouldn’t be surprised if he was gay since he seemed to know which style suited me the most! Haha

The 3 of us didn’t get back to the hotel until around midnight. We decided that we needed to be up and ready to go by 3am as we had a 5am flight to Tacloban the next day...well let’s just say that didn’t actually go according to plan.

As soon as we got back to the hotel we fixed our luggage which took quite a bit of time. We then decided to put our face masks on courtesy of Watsons. The chemicals in the masks must have seriously gotten to our brains as we could not stop laughing for 30 minutes straight. We were having so much fun that we didn’t realise that we only had an hours sleep at the most before we had to leave for the airport, so we decided to call it a night. Cat set her alarm for 2am whilst I set mine for 3.30am. In my sleep deprived state, I totally forgot the consensus of leaving the hotel at 3am. 

An hour later Cat’s alarm went off but we all slept through it, my 3.30am alarm then went off and that’s when we all jumped out of our beds and started hurriedly getting ready. It took us just under half an hour to leave the hotel.

Seeing as we were only a minute away from the airport we got there really early and waited for our flight.  Meanwhile, we tried looking for my cousin Anya from Canada whom I was meeting for the very first time. We didn’t spot her until 10minutes before boarding time. She was really lovely and had a cool Canadian accent .

Day 2 - Catbalogan

When we touched down in Tacloban my uncle Ernie picked us up. It was a long 2.5 hour bumpy ride to Catbalogan which would be our destination for the next two nights.

Once we arrived in Catbalogan we, or I didn’t at least, have much time to rest as my auntie’s silver wedding anniversary was commencing within the next 2 hours. I was a bridesmaid and I had yet to try my dress on which was especially tailored for me. Unfortunately, the dress ended up being too big for me, which wasn’t all that surprising considering I had recently lost 4kgs. My auntie quickly grabbed me and we went to the nearest tailors. Unfortunately they were back to back with alterations so couldn’t attend to my dress urgently. Fortunately, we found a tailor who obliged to alter the dress for me.

A short while later, my auntie took my friends & I to the beauty salon so we could get our hair, makeup and mani & pedi done.

As there were only two staff available we had to alternate. I was first up in the makeup & hair department whilst Jen got her mani and pedi done. Once my makeup was completed I then got my mani and pedi, and Cat got her hair & makeup done, and so fourth. I should probably stop here and mention that I specifically asked for “soft curls” for my hair, so once I was getting my mani and pedi done the curlers stayed in my hair. 45 minutes later I started getting restless as I realised we only had 15minutes left before the ceremony was to begin. I then started tugging on the curlers and one by one unveiled extremely thick curly curls. Once all the curlers were out I looked at myself in the mirror and tried hard to hold back the tears. I looked like a member of the desperate housewives! The hairdresser must have sense d my distress as he stopped working on Jen’s hair and quickly attended to mine. The owner then came out and started tending to my hair as well, trying in vain to flatten out the ridiculous curls. By the end of it I gave up and left abruptly. Yes I was pissed and naturally I didn’t have to fork out a peso for the hair. Hah! This was just as well as I was so close to murdering the bakla who did my hair!

Back at the hotel we were staying at, my auntie gave me the altered bridesmaid dress which she had picked up while we were at the beauty salon. I tried on the dress and my initial reaction was SH*T! I got it altered to fit me better and it ended up being unbreathable tight! I had no choice and dealt with it. The solution being not zipping the dress all the way up. Thank goodness I had long hair!

Once we arrived at the church I was hauled over to the rest of the entourage congregating near the entrance of the church, ready to walk down the aisle.

Let me just stop here by saying that the church was absolutely beautiful and breathtaking! One of the things I love about the Philippines is that it has amazing and grandiose churches!

I was quickly introduced to my long lost relatives and was just as quick to forget their names. It was then time for us to walk down the aisle when it was suddenly realised that my Partner was missing! Grrr! Oh the humiliation at the prospect of having to walk down the aisle all by myself without anyone linked in my arms! LOL. Fortunately he appeared a second before the walk and all was going smoothly until we got to the very end of the pews and didn’t exactly know what to do. Turns out we both weren’t present for the rehearsal. Luckily my cousin pantomimed what we had to do and where we had to stand.

The ceremony went on for an excruciating 1.5 hours. If it didn’t in real life it certainly felt like it. To make it worse the church wasn’t air conditioned so not only was I dying of heat exhaustion, but add lack of oxygen from my too tight dress, sleep deprivation and not to mention boredom to the mix and you have a seriously bad kebab combination. So I guess I could be forgiven for falling asleep for much of the service. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t purposely being rude. I mean it was so sweet and all, the couple renewing their vows and still madly in love 25 years later. The fact that the couple was also family certainly added that fuzziness feeling to the whole celebration, but who can honestly admit that the best part about weddings is the ceremony? Moreover, whether it’s Catholicism or just the filo culture, I don’t understand how wedding ceremonies or renewal of vows could take that long? Surely a question of “do you or don’t you” is enough to bind a man and woman in marriage? Do we really need all that hoopla of what God said about how a man and woman should live as a married couple? Now I’m probably sounding so sacrilege right now (or some would say cynical) but does anyone seriously listen? Well, it didn’t come as a surprise when the bride suddenly fainted. That brought me (and possibly everyone else) out of my sleep reverie as there was a sudden hustle and bustle by the altar. Seriousness aside, the hilarity of the situation was this happened during the communion. All the while, the priest continued giving communion completely oblivious to the commotion happening behind him.

Now all jokes aside, thank the heavens the bride recovered from her dizzy spells with such elegance and grace that when the priest handing out the communal bread finally turned around there was no hint of what transpired behind him.

The ceremony ended with the wonderful couple giving each other “the kiss” and the whole church erupting with cheers and applauding.
At that moment, the atmosphere of the church was somewhat different, it was compounded with love and tears of joy as we witnessed and celebrated the 25year union of two amazing people with their 3 beautiful children. Even though I hardly took any of the ceremony in, I couldn’t help but smile and be extremely happy for the blissful couple. As I walked out of the church, I couldn’t help but think that when the time comes, I hope that I too, would still be madly in love and happily married to my future husband 25 years on...and ever after :-)